My Biological Brother in Christ

As my second blog post for the House of Brigid falls on my older brother’s 25th birthday, I can’t NOT talk about him.

Imagine this: It’s the year 2003. Seven-year-old Matthew Stalter is standing in front of, nope, not an iPhone, but a chunky camcorder (remember those?). He’s about to debut his new song that he learned in his 2nd grade classroom for his family and anyone else who can figure out how to watch videos from videotape cassettes in the years to come. Producer, Lori Stalter, presses record. Matthew starts singing his beautiful piece and is set to have a breathtaking performance until suddenly a high pitched screech is heard in the background. It seems that his little sister, Kathryn Stalter, couldn’t hold in her singing and just had to belt the ABC’s during what was supposed to be a Grammy worthy performance of “The Pumpkin Song.” Talk about a showstopper…literally!!

I must admit, I think about this home video quite often (and I wish we had the proper gear today to play it back, but alas..video cassettes are “so 2000”). I guess little five-year-old me just wanted to be heard and noticed for her “child prodigy” ways, as well. I may have gotten jealous at Matthew being the star, I may have wanted more attention, or I may have honestly done it to annoy my brother because well, that’s what younger sisters do best, right?

As my brother and I grew up together, we definitely fought, got annoyed with each other, and felt things like “jealousy,” “competitiveness,” and “bitterness,” as I’m sure five-year-old me was feeling in that home video. However, there came a time when we both maturely discovered that working together, supporting each other, and recognizing each other’s individual gifts was a lot more wholesome and fun. I began to realize his skills in math & science and instead of trying to pretend like I didn’t struggle in those areas, I let him sit with me and attempt to help my crying self through my math homework. Instead of tattle tailing, we started to work together to figure out how to cover up pizza or pasta sauce stains in the carpet so mom and dad wouldn’t see. We combined thoughts to think of meaningful gifts for our parents for birthdays and holidays and we combined humor to pull off the greatest April Fools’ prank of all time in our household (for anyone wondering, we flipped all the furniture in the living room upside down…the clean up job was worth it to see the look on our parents’ faces). Today, we continue to foster a better relationship by supporting one another, by admitting when we do wrong, and by confiding in each other when we are having tough times.

My relationship with my brother has been really formative for me when entering into other familial relationships, friendships, and relationships with coworkers. I have especially been able to take this lesson of “working together, supporting each other, and recognizing each others’ gifts” into the House of Brigid program this year.

I have discovered during many experiences in my life that being in a community and/or program with other incredibly gifted and faithful peers can sometimes become discouraging when you feel as if you are nowhere near as gifted or as faithful as them. It’s difficult to admit that the feelings of little five-year-old Katy resurface inside of me now and again when I feel as if my gifts are not heard or noticed. These “five-year-old Katy,” or should I just say HUMAN feelings, can often lead to what my ~profound~ Dublin community member, Matt, talked about the other day: imposter syndrome. Although there’s legitimate definitions of “imposter syndrome,” here’s mine in my own words based off of my experiences with it.

Imposter Syndrome: An affliction when you feel discouraged about your own gifts; when you convince yourself that you are not needed. When you feel as if you don’t belong somewhere because you think that you and your skills are inferior to those around you.

Although this “imposter syndrome” has surfaced in my heart and mind many times throughout my life and over the past month in Ireland, I have come to learn to not allow the painful emotions and thoughts of it to fully take over. I do as I learned to do in my relationship with my brother: I recognize the gifts of another, support them in their accomplishments, and brainstorm ways in which we can combine and show our gifts for the greater good. When this imposter syndrome enters my mind and heart, I try to envision myself and others through the lens of the One who created us. The One that looks at each one of us with great love and affection. The One that hears and notices us in BOTH our strengths and weaknesses: whether they be loudly or silently proclaimed. The One who works through each one of us in our gifts so that we may work to be witnesses of Him on earth. I try to recognize the presence of God in the voices, the actions, and the words of my brothers and sisters in Christ. And I am thankful that I can tie this lesson and more back to all that I have learned in my relationship with my blood-related brother whom God has blessed me with…my BIOLOGICAL brother in Christ. He has not only taught me how to do the best April Fools’ pranks or how to do some cool dance moves in the kitchen for our parents, but he has also helped me to learn how to stand back and recognize the gifts and goodness of another person. This is a lesson that I’ve been able to carry into the House of Brigid community, and one that I will continue to carry into every program, every community, and every relationship that I will have.

So happy “halfway to 50” big bro. Instead of belting out over top of you in jealousy or competition during your star moments as little me once did, I will continue to stand in awe of you behind the scenes, witnessing your ever unfolding goodness and all of the joy and love that you spread to everyone that you meet. (But I will also continue to willingly annoy you because well…I’m still the same little sister in some ways, and annoying you is most definitely what this little sister does best.)