The long story short is that Maddie and I are still in Ireland and still working at University Church. We were supposed to go home but some things happened that were out of my control and for now we are staying put. (Sorry this is vague but it’s a long story and maybe one day I can tell you it over a pint.) The important thing is we are both healthy and safe.
At the end of March, after the Taoiseach made an announcement that Ireland would be implementing a stay-at-home order for two weeks, Maddie and I moved from our home in Dolphin’s Barn to Steve and Michele Warner’s home in the presbytery of University Church. We probably could’ve gotten away with walking into the Church every day but our house was just a wee more than 2 kilometers from the Church, we technically aren’t essential workers, and we wanted to make sure we were obeying rules to the best of our ability. Since the end of March we have been living at the Church with Steve and Michele (and Father Bill who has moved onto the couch in his office!) What we thought would be a two week stay has turned into a four weeks and counting stay with the Warners.
——-
It was so wonderful to get to celebrate Easter with Steve, Michele, and Father Bill. We were spoiled because not only did we have each other to lean on for community, we got to celebrate Easter in a Church and provide music for our live streamed liturgies. At times I felt guilty for still getting to go to mass. I wanted so badly to be able to have a congregation and have everyone back in the Church. As I sat in the pews and sang “Jesus Christ is Risen Today” on Easter Sunday I yearned for our congregation to be in the pews singing with me. Though there were no people physically in the church on Easter, the promise of the resurrection remained the same. The overflowing of grace and love remained the same.
——-
A handful of people have asked me lately, “so, what’s the plan?” I’m never quite sure what kind of answer they are looking for.
For a while my answer was to just get to Easter Sunday.
Sometimes I talk about how I’m taking it one day at a time. I’ve clung so much to Saint John Henry Newman’s quote “one step enough for me” and Julian of Norwich’s “all will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of thing will be well.” For a while when I’d go for my daily walk I would just utter these words to myself over and over.
Sometimes I just say that things change so much day to day and week to week that I can’t really make a plan right now. My family was supposed to visit for Easter, the choir was supposed to go on tour in June, and I was supposed to be in one of my best friend’s weddings in June; all things that are cancelled/postponed/I can’t go to now. I truly have to take things one day at a time.
Of course, I have ideas for what my plan could be. I have ideas for what I could do when I’m done with House of Brigid; where I could live and what I could do. I have ideas for when I could see my family this summer. I have ideas for how I can stay in this country that I’ve grown to love so much.
The first morning after we moved to Steve and Michele’s house I was sitting in the Church praying and listening to a new album by Steffany Gretzinger. I hadn’t really listened through the songs before that morning and I was really trying to listen to the lyrics as each new song came up. I journaled for a while and then ended my entry asking, “how do you want me to serve you today, Lord?” My prayer had been all over the place and I was tired but I was proud of myself for bringing all my worries to the Lord. I sat in the empty Church going back and forth between asking God 100 logistical questions about what was going to happen and being completely lost for words and silent. These are the moments where I find the most peace. The lyrics to a song that was playing pierced me in that moment.
She sang, “I was made to love You, it’s all I really know for sure”
In the midst of my 100 questions, emotional ups and downs, and questions of where I was going to be and what was going to happen I was reminded of my true purpose. I was made to love God. It’s a vocation that was true before this pandemic, it’s true during this pandemic, and it will continue to be true after this pandemic. I was made to love God. Right now, that looks like loving those I am living with. It means smiling at (and staying 2 meters aways from) the few who come into Church to pray during the week. It is spending time figuring out the best way to live stream our masses and Taize services. It means wearing a mask at the grocery store. It means loving and serving God in little ways. I was made to love God.
These lyrics brought me so much peace.
So, I’m not sure what’s going to happen. I have a lot of things to figure out in the next couple months but, sure look, we’ll sort it. I’m not exactly sure what my plan for the future is. I’m not sure when I’ll get to see my friends and family in person again. But I know in all certainty that I was made to love God. I will continue to try to do that much.
——-
On a separate note I want to write an appreciation post for Maddie, my quarantine/pandemic/isolation buddy. Through this entire situation she has been such a great friend to worry, cry, laugh, and hope with. We often joke that when we agreed to do House of Brigid and live together we did not agree to spend ALL our time together during a stay-at-home global pandemic and that maybe we would have chosen differently had we known that. It has been a joy to endure this together and I am very very thankful that God put her in my life. We will have lot of fun stories to write in our memoirs one day of this crazy time in our lives.
