For those of you who may not know, I love it here in Ireland (hi Mom, really I’m fine!). I love the sound of rain late at night as it hits against my window. I love how blue the sky is after a cloudy day. I love the beef brisket pies I buy at Lidl at least once a week. More importantly, I love my housemates and how we strive to understand and support each other. I love the work we are doing and how it is helping me grow, without inducing stress. From the moment I heard about this program, almost two years ago, to today, I have known that House of Brigid is exactly where I am supposed to be.
But it is already December. Three months have raced by and there are only 7 months left. Since time is going by so quickly, and I feel like I would stay forever if I could, I am doing my best to take in my surroundings and be present instead of stressing about the future too much. But as much as I want to be in the moment, I am forced to think about what comes next.
My housemates have plans, or at least directions, for next steps. I am so proud of the work that they have been doing over the last few weeks to achieve their goals. I kind of have a plan, but it is not very sustainable in the long term. One of my favorite things about myself is my adaptability—my ability to go with the flow. However, that means that I have tendency to form short term ideas instead of putting together a long term plan. Most of the time I am fine with it since there are so many things out there that I want to do. But it can be daunting and disheartening when I hear about other people’s goals and the actions they’re taking to achieve them while I am still looking for direction.
No one knows the future. I can’t let anxiety about what comes next get in the way of what is happening now. I have to be hopeful of the future and trust that everything will work out. This is typically my attitude towards life, until I get lost in a grad school Google search vortex and lose all hope because of my unwarranted, but still incredibly present, feelings of not being good enough or smart enough. When that happens I need to work on praying and remembering that God will guide me and open doors to where I am supposed to go. I just need to have the courage to joyfully say yes.
When I was planning what to write about this week, I couldn’t help but see similarities between what I am feeling and Advent. I am sure that Mary was scared and anxious when she found out she was pregnant. But she had hope and trust in God, which allowed her to open her heart and joyfully say yes. Same with Joseph. Instead of being conventional or quietly ending their relationship, he had faith and hope in the Lord and love for Mary, staying with her to form the Holy Family. Despite anxiety and apprehensions, Mary and Joseph trusted God and did the unconventional, thereby becoming models of hope, peace, joy, and love—things that this season really is all about.
So next time I get anxious thinking about what’s next, I can look to Mary and Joseph as examples in hopeful waiting for the future and how to joyfully say yes to God’s call.
